What Can I Do to Cope with the Loss of a Pet?

Although grief is a river that we all have to walk through when we experience the devastating loss of a beloved pet, there are some things we can do to help yourself as you go through the grieving process.

Be gentle and patient with yourself …

The feelings we run from chase us; the feelings we resist persist, but the feelings we face can transform us. Our losses are naturally painful and evoke many feelings and memories that can be painful. Grief does not have a set endpoint, and we shouldn’t tell ourselves that we should be ‘over it by now’ or ‘feel better faster.’ By accepting our feelings we allow ourselves to grow, not by making our grief smaller, but by making ourselves bigger – by allowing our experiences with our beloved pet inform our lives. Let their legacy live on as the best part of you. There is a saying in grief counseling – our beloved pets are the angels of our better selves – and I believe that is true. They make us better people.

Do not feel that you have to dispose of your pet’s possessions right away, or even, at all. Food bowls, collars/leashes, a bed or blankets can remind us of our beloved pet and we don’t want to take that away, unless we want to and are ready. There is literally no right or wrong answer to this … you get to do it your way. Grief is a no judgment zone.

It’s hard to go through grief alone…

It’s helpful to have someone you can talk to honestly about your feelings of loss… a friend, a therapist or a community. Pet loss groups are offered at many veterinarian offices. Also you can check out the Association of Pet Loss and Bereavement as well as the Pet Loss Grief Support website, which has chat rooms and online memorial services. In addition, interestingly people that care can be in unexpected places.

I’ll never forget the time I was buying a coffee at Starbucks and the gentleman ringing up my order asked how I was and I blurted out my shepherd had just died and started crying. He told me he had had a dog die too a few years ago and shared with me his story. He was so kind to me and I didn’t even know him. Grief is a universal experience and surpasses culture, language and age. My experience is people want to talk about their beloved pets and when given the opportunity, often benefit too from being able to share their story.

Ways to Memorialize your beloved pet …

One way is to create a scrapbook or an anthology of your beloved pet’s life… write down thoughts or feelings you are having about your beloved pet and maybe create a timeline. Some people benefit from doing a homemade or digital scrapbook. Or, planting a tree or sowing a garden. Another way is to engage in rituals that celebrate your pet’s life … ceremonies, funerals, celebration of life gatherings and anniversaries are all ways to acknowledge the loss of our beloved pet and help us grieve. Be creative and have your own rituals for your beloved pet … have a celebration of life at home or somewhere that your beloved pet loved to visit.

How long does grieving a pet take?

As a pet loss counselor, I get asked this question often. It’s hard to be in pain, to be in mourning. It Is a time of sorrow, but it won’t last forever. Sometimes we don’t have answers to questions, and, we just miss them. There will be times you miss your beloved pet for the rest of your life, that you think of them. The goal might be to know that one day you will remember them with more love than pain. Certainly your beloved pet would want you to know they love you, that you will be okay.

Remember, you might be a mess, but they are no longer in pain, no longer sick… they are somewhere at peace, surrounded by love, because, Love Never Dies.